shrinky strikes back

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Dinners

First off, I want to give myself mad props for staying OP at Pizzeria Uno's last night. I demanded that my friends & I go to a restaurant that provided NI - and demanded that we decide in advance so I could prepare for dinner. So, we went with Uno's, which everyone likes. They have some insanely high point items on their menu, but also several reasonable options, and they provide NI for absolutely everything both online and at a kiosk in their restaurant. So I really do appreciate Uno's for being so accomodating. I got the baked stuffed chicken which was 13 points, roasted veggies for both of my sides, and asked them to hold the breadstick. So, I feel really good about that, and not caving in to the greasy but delicious menu items like the Uno Burger or a deep dish pizza. Their deep dish "spinoccoli" pizza is, I think, the worst thing on the entire menu - it makes me kind of sick to think about all the times I ordered it thinking I was being sorta good for getting a veggie pizza. It's got more calories and fat than any of the meaty deep-dishes. Fortunately, their flatbread pizzas are not too bad for you - I believe a plain cheese one is 22 points, and it's really big so you could easily split it with someone or take home half. So that's 11 points for a generous serving of pizza...not too shabby! There are really several appetizing options on their menu that fit easily into WW or any other calorie-restricted meal plan, and none of them are pathetic like just a grilled chicken breast and steamed boring vegetables. Actually, you *can* get that at Uno's, but who actually likes to eat like that? I don't. It would be easier if I did...but I don't. I like tasty food, especially when I am spending money to eat out.

I feel very accomplished after going to both Trader Joe's and my regular supermarket today. I stocked up on good stuff and planned out some dinners for the week so that I don't have to make decisions when I am tired and cranky on weeknights.

March Wrap-Up

Yesterday's WI wasn't awesome, I stayed exactly the same, but it's better than a gain. Furthermore, I kind of expected not to lose ... I had gone over my WPAs last week, and had struggled a lot. So, I really am happy that my efforts to not give in to my struggles and the fact that after every slip I made an effort to get back on track paid off in terms of not having me gain a pound or two.

It does give me motivation for this upcoming week. It's the start of a new month and that always feels good. We're getting closer and closer to nice, springtime weather. The snow has almost entirely melted and the sun is shining. A coworker and I started a plan to go walking for 30+ minutes M,W,F on our lunch break. I still feel Friday's 45 minute walk in my legs. It's a good feeling.

All in all, I lost 5.8 lbs in March. I think that is awesome! That rate if kept up for a year would mean 70 lbs lost, so I think that is a great rate of weight loss.

So, today the plan is to go to Trader Joe's to stock up on some Points-friendly deliciousness and to maybe go shopping for fun elsewhere. I am feeling good and in control. I can do this!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Something New (for me)

I tried something new in my quest for naturally sugarless, high protein snackage. I have heard people talk about Fage Greek-style yogurt, and was really excited to see some at Market Basket. Unfortunately they did not have the 0% fat free kind, but they had the 5% which is lower fat than the regular kind, 3 points for a decent sized container. And I was really impressed! It is so rich and tastes very different from regular plain yogurt. I had topped it with a drizzle of honey and a sprinkle of walnuts and it was such a satisfying snack.

I hope I can get my hands on some fat free Greek-style yogurt soon...I hear Trader Joe's has some, so I will have to take a trip there this weekend (after payday on Friday).

I will also have to stock up on some of their awesome frozen meals...they have stir fries and other meals that are healthy, points friendly, tasty, and a snap to make. And I've always been so impressed at TJ's prices...compared to Whole Paycheck Whole Foods, Trader Joe's has things at really great prices - lower prices than a normal supermarket letalone Whole Foods which seems to mark up even Cheerios to a ridiculous amount. The only thing Whole Foods has been good for lately is to stock up on some red lentils because they are the only people who seem to carry them near me. I used to like their sushi but lately that has gone down the tubes, and I no longer have to settle thanks to an awesome new sushi joint in my area (take that, Whole Foods!).

So, to summarize:
Fage Greek-style yogurt = Yummy
Trader Joe's = totally awesome
Whole Foods = overpriced but they have red lentils
Sushi = best from a sushi restaurant

Better

I am feeling a lot more in control today. Last night I made it through the evening following my plan 100%. I even did some stuff for fun, and felt relaxed and calm. Hopefully, I've gotten past that rough patch.

2 days until WI! I'm not feeling as good about it as I want to be. I wonder how much damage a few bad days has done.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Why I've been struggling...

I think today it hit me that I'm feeling kind of depressed. I'm anxious about a lot of little things, and when I let myself put them aside, I still don't feel relaxed, I just feel sad. I don't know why I feel so sad...I just can't get myself excited about any of the things I enjoy right now. Watching a movie, reading my book, taking a bubble bath, playing a video game ... I don't know why I can't seem to get excited about any of it. I want to go home after work and feel relaxed and cheerful and make dinner and then do a couple things that are fun. But I don't feel like it.

I guess maybe I've used up a lot of energy being anxious about things, from my friend's upcoming wedding (and the corresponding bachelorette/shower stuff), possibly/probably buying a house soon, sticking to WW, cleaning the apartment, and I don't know what else. I just have a lot of things in the not-too-distant future, so I'm really antsy to get them over with. I keep looking ahead to when J's wedding is over and I don't have to be the maid of honor anymore, to when we find our house and get all the red tape dealt with, to when I've lost some more weight and have reached my 10%. And it leaves me little energy to think about right now, because I don't want it to be right now, I want to skip past all my stressors and relax.

But there is never really a time in life when there is no stress, is there? There is always something I can find to stress out about. I have to learn to stop worrying so much about what's coming up and savor the time I have right now. Life is too short to want to hit the fast-forward button. But I think that's part of what's been dragging me down the past few days...wishing every day was Friday, WI day, so I can get my pat on the back and positive reinforcement. I wish when I woke up I wasn't a maid of honor anymore, and didn't have to worry about whether my bridesmaids dress is going to need a ton of alterations or what the hell we are going to do about the shower. I wish that when payday comes on Friday, I could just pay off my entire credit card right now, instead of letting it take the 5 months it's going to take (it's going to take 5 months and we are not closing on a house until it's done).

I'm impatient, I'm anxious, I'm stressed, I'm tired, I'm sad. I need to slow down a bit, stop chomping at the bit to get things out of my way, and focus on little pleasures like hanging out with K and playing games with him and watching movies and reading my book. And I guess I need to just do those things whether I feel like it or not, because I'm not going to feel any better by moping about how I feel or complaining or just sulking in the corner.

With that said, it's snack time. Ttyl.

Monday, March 26, 2007

I want it!

I want to reach my 10%. I want to reach it more than almost any goal I have in my life right now. I want to get that keychain and the feeling of having achieved a goal that was put down on paper by someone else for me to reach. I want to prove to myself that I can do it - that I can hang in there and work hard and reach my goal.

I want my 10% goal.
Every second I am OP I am getting closer.
I will reach this milestone.
I can do this.
Every positive choice I make brings me nearer.

(Cue the Rocky music.)

Struggling

Last night I had a lot of trouble controlling myself. I had several unplanned snacks and went over my points and WPAs for the week...and my Points don't reset until Friday. I am determined not to let this ruin my week though. I will not throw in the towel over one or two bad days!

I have a lot of great options for meals & snacks, and I'm going to just write some out for this week to help keep me focused.

Breakfast:
1 soft boiled egg (2), sprouted wheat toast (2), light butter (1), fruit (1) = 6
2 kashi golean waffles (3), cottage cheese (2), raspberries (1) = 6
cheerios (2), banana (2), milk (2) = 6
creamy pumpkin oatmeal (4), walnuts (2) = 6
kashi pilaf (3), milk (1), maple syrup (1), fruit (1) = 6

Lunch:
Lean Cuisine (6), Sugar-Free Pudding (1) = 7
FF Bologna Sandwich (3), Vegetable Soup (3) = 6

Snacks:
Cheddar (2), Apple (1) = 3
Cottage Cheese (2), Fruit (1) = 3
Handful of Nuts (2), Fruit (1) = 3
... I could go for some more snack ideas that have a good amount of protein.

Dinner:
Deep Dish Pizza Casserole (6)
Dhal Soup (7) with Naan (3)
Lowfat Nachos (10)
Pasta (5) with Sauce (1) and veggie crumbles (2)
Lowfat Grilled Cheese (4), Soup (varies)

I think I should relax about dinner a bit more than I have been, and remember that it really is ok to have sandwiches and soup for dinner, or eggs, or other stuff that is fairly easy and tasty.

If anyone has suggestions that are easy, tasty & healthy, feel free to pass them my way (except for breakfast because as it is I have way too many choices already!).

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Getting Tough

I feel like I'm hitting a rough patch right now. This weekend wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Friday night I had a hard time being satisfied with dinner. Saturday as well, I just wanted to eat, and even after having a big dinner and using most of my WPAs, I still wanted a big dessert. I didn't have it, but that doesn't change the fact that inside my head I was kicking & screaming for a brownie sundae. And today...I went to the store and I made some food. I made a bad decision, which was to bake some WW mini cherry cheesecakes. I made them, ate two, and realized that I couldn't have these things in my home. So I threw them out. What a waste, I know ... but I feel like if they weren't in the trash, they'd be gone by tomorrow either way.

Why did I even think for a second it was ok to make mini cheesecakes? I know sugar is my problem. I've been doing fine without sweets in the house, my "desserts" being cereal (hot or cold) or a fruit smoothie.

I also bought some sugarfree pudding cups. I don't know if this is going to be trouble or not. Fortunately I don't like them *that* much.

I also bought some peanut butter. This has been a trigger food in the past. But I am desperate for more ways to get protein into my snacks...I am getting so sick of cottage cheese and eggs.

Since I'm confessing things I bought...I also bought some baked tortilla chips and salsa. This isn't so bad I guess. I wish I could have found some whole grain tortilla chips though. They just seem like empty calories.

I guess I'm just looking for ways to change up my meal routine. I like having similar things all week long, but I'd like to vary things on a weekly basis. It's hard though...so many typical snack foods are really just junk food. I want snacks that are really healthy as well as tasty and satisfying.

I guess this is just a little mental hurdle I am facing right now. I am still doing well. I just keep thinking back to summer of 2003 when I first did WW. I recently looked back at my weight loss chart from back then, and also other weight charts I had from 2004 and 2005. I forgot that I managed to go from 225 to the low 200's, and stay under 210 for at least 2 years. I wonder what really caused me to balloon. Was it my antidepressants? Stress? I just don't know. It seems like I gained so much so fast.

I keep looking in the mirror and touching my stomach and hips to see if I look or feel any different. I don't really, but sometimes I think maybe I do, just a little. But 9 pounds is just a drop in the bucket...I think I have a long way to go before I see some noticeable results. Many of my pants still feel snug after coming out of the dryer. No more snug than they did 9 pounds ago, but not noticeably less either. I want my 22's to get huge on me so I can go back to wearing the ten gazillion pairs of size 20 pants I have in my closet...and then for those to get huge so I can go back to wearing 18's. I haven't been under an 18 in a very long time...since sophomore year of college, actually. It's scary.

I also get these little bouts of feeling very excited. Like I forgot to do something simple and finally managed to remember after all this time. Like I'm really actually finally doing it! I wouldn't say something "clicked"...but it's like every other time was like getting on a bike and riding half a block and falling off. Now I've ridden about four blocks and I still don't feel too wobbly. I've been going to bed at night thinking about what it could be like in a couple of summers to feel ok wearing a bathing suit in public and to feel pretty when I dress up again.

And I think what's really amazing is that while I have certainly been focused, it's not the only thing on my mind. I haven't achieved that kind of balance for as long as I can remember.

So, I guess while things are tough, I have a lot to be happy & excited about. I need to remember how every day is a fresh start. Maybe this weekend was a little tough. Maybe today I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. But it's bedtime, and I can go to sleep and put it all behind me. When I wake up, it will be a brand new day with a clean slate and 1,000 little choices I can make to continue on the road to being the person I want to be.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Mid-Week Update

I feel like the past few weeks I haven't been updating except to brag about my weigh-ins, and that's really not fair to those of you who stick around to read all my whining when things aren't going well. I'm sure (unless you are total sadists, and you aren't, are you?) that you would like to hear good things too!

Well, since the end of February, I have felt a lot more in control of myself and have been able to follow WW more completely than I have since my first go-round with WW in June 2003, when I lost about 25 lbs in 3 months. Granted, it hasn't even been quite a month yet, so I'm trying not to count my chickens before they hatch ... but this is still longer than I have been able to stay committed in a very long time, and I am really proud of myself for that. I guess what I am most proud of is that it hasn't ben 100% perfect, but the times when I have slipped or struggled, I worked to get myself back on track as soon as possible. I don't think slips here & there are going to destroy someone's weight loss efforts - what causes backslides are when you slip and then don't pick yourself back up for a few weeks or months.

So, things are going pretty well. There are some things I would like to focus more on, namely eating more vegetables and starting an exercise program. I am lucky if I eat one serving of veggies a day, which is far too little. Fruit is no problem - I love fruit and eat it several times a day everyday - but I'm not a huge fan of veggies (especially not salads) so it's harder to cram them in. But I will work on it, because I know how healthy they are. And I don't *dislike* them...I just don't love them so they're not a priority, they are the first thing I skip when I don't feel like making extra items with dinner.

As for starting an exercise program - I really do like exercising, but I don't really want to start a formal program just yet. There are a couple of reasons.

First, my daily Points target is relatively high. As I lose weight, my target will decrease. What I would like to do is make up for the Points I lose by losing weight by earning APs through exercise. That way I will be able to eat the same amount I am now, while theoretically still losing weight.

Second, in the past I have tried to solve all my life's problems in one fell swoop, and then have burned out fairly quickly. As I mentioned above, this is the first time in a long time I have done so well with my eating. I want to continue to master this and make it an ingrained part of my life before I start making additional demands of myself. Furthermore I am also working on other aspects of my life, such as keeping my budget in check and sticking to some cleaning routines to keep the apartment tidy, so the risk of burning out is high unless I continue to take things slowly.

Third, my favorite form of exercise is walking outside. Right now the trail I like to walk on is iced over from the winters, but in a few weeks it will be ripe for walking. I think that might be the best time to start a low-stress workout program of walking outside, which I would like to maintain through the spring, summer, and early fall (using WATP indoors when the weather isn't agreeable). Then in the fall, when I have built up some endurance and a better fitness level, I can join a gym and change up my workouts for the colder months. This is a plan I'm looking forward to, and it seems pretty sensible.

So, that's what has been on my mind. I have finally started taking a multivitamin in the morning, though I realized that since it's non-gender-specific it doesn't have extra calcium or iron. I will need to shop around for a new multivitamin I guess. The main problem for me is that many vitamins really hurt my stomach, even if I take them with a full meal. So, I suppose there is some trial and error to be done.

Well, that's all for now...I'm looking forward to posting after Friday morning's weigh-in. I hope I'll have a nice loss to report! When I hit 10 lbs lost my reward to myself is a cute new purse for spring. 3.2 lbs to go!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Another Week, Another Weigh In

Despite having a *really* rough week, going over my WPAs 2 days into my WW week, and having to fight tooth & nail not to completely fall off the wagon, I still managed to have a decent weigh-in. I was down 0.4 lbs this week, which was a pleasant surprised. I would have been delighted to maintain.

The last couple of days had been pretty good, and I do feel motivated to keep picking myself up and not letting a bad day become a bad week. In the long run, I *know* that will be more important than being 100% perfect 100% of the time. As is my mantra: It's not about perfection, it's about persistence!

So, all in all, I have lost 6.8 lbs since February 2, 2007. That's really not bad for a month and a half. I've still got 20 lbs to go before reaching my 10%, but at least I'm starting to feel like I've taken a little chunk out of my weight instead of yo-yo-ing with the same 2 lbs.

In other news, I did want to give a snack suggestion ... while I am avoiding having sweet snacks often, I know a lot of people do not have the same issues with sweet foods that I do. I recently tried some new snack bars from Fiber One and was blown away. The Chocolate & Oat flavor bars are 2 points - but unlike other 2 point snack bars, they are quite large, quite filling, and amazingly tasty. I'm not even kidding ... they are *better* tasting than most chocolate chip granola bars I've tried (and a lot bigger). There is also a Peanut Butter flavor, but I haven't tried them yet. I'm a little afraid to - they're so good I would eat the whole box. But I really do think that they're a great snack for 2 points - way better for you than a Snickers bar and way more satisfying than a puny Kudos bar.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Friday's WI

I wanted to check in to post about my awesome success at yesterday's WI - I was down 3.2 lbs this week! I was doubtful that my WI would be very good, because I used all of my WPAs & didn't always use them for the healthiest foods. I guess this just proves that as long as you are counting the points and *mostly* eat healthy, whole foods, that a few splurges that you keep track of are totally ok on WW.

I am very happy with this WI. Here's to another OP week!

Monday, March 05, 2007

Hello, Monday

So, I have actually made it through a full week OP. Week 1 is always the easy week. Week 2 is when it starts to get rough. But I am not going to let Week 2 drag me down and Week 3 sink me. No way!

I have a LOT of weight to lose, and yet even 1 week of being OP, with a modest weight loss (0.8 lb) makes me somehow feel thinner. I mean I know it will be awhile before I have any noticeable change in my body, but at the same time, I just feel like my body is slimming down. Maybe that is why I get burnt out so fast. Maybe it's because I start to imagine changes that aren't there yet, and get frustrated when I'm not losing sizes after 2 or 3 weeks.

Who knows?

Anyway, today I am hunnnngry. I resisted the urge to get a hugely high-point baked good from Starbucks today, so at least I rock in that respect. But I need to make dinner before I decide to eat the cat.

Friday, March 02, 2007

I don't want to jinx myself, but ...

Things are going ok right now!

For the past week, almost a full week, I have been OP ("on plan" or "on program" for those of you not down with the dieters' lingo). I have been doing WW (flex plan) while severely limiting my sugar. I came to a decision about sugar that I am happy with. I will not let sugary snacks come into my house. Cereal bars, granola bars, WW muffins, hot cocoa, pretty much anything chocolate ... these foods are major triggers and I can't control myself when there is a box of something like that waiting for me in the cabinet.

That said, I have decided that ONCE in awhile, when I am in a situation where I can control my portion and not be in a situation where I would or could go back for seconds, or secret-eat, that dessert is ok. But just limiting it severely for the past few weeks has really cut down on my cravings. I'm very satisfied with the real food I've been eating.

And it shows that my body is happy with these changes too. Despite using most of my flex points on Thursday on restaurant food, I was *still* down almost a full pound at my weigh in this morning. 0.8 lbs doesn't sound like much on its own, but to put it in perspective, if I lost 0.8 lb every week for a year, that would be over 40 lbs lost. Not too shabby!

So...I haven't been posting as frequently because I have been working with some of my buddies on a forum I frequent and posting a lot there. I get burnt out posting the same thing over & over again. But I did copy & paste my meal journals from Monday-Friday over at my semi-secret and sporadically-updated food blog, Shrinky Stuffs Her Craw. I figured it will be nice to be able to look back at a successful week all on one page to see what I did, should I lose inspiration again.

Anyway, I have been feeling pretty good, and pretty strong. I should probably post here more when I have good news, though, to show that I'm not completely incapable of getting my act together.

Have a great weekend, readers!