Stressed
I've been feeling anxious & stressed, and as a result, I've been having a rough time. I've started waking up in the middle of the night again and eating. I'm not really fully conscious when I'm doing it. In the past when I had this problem, my solution was to plan a nighttime snack into my routine. If I didn't wake up & eat it, then I had an extra snack for the daytime. But if I did, at least it was something planned for that I didn't have to think about, and it was already worked into my plan for the next day. I think I will start doing this again, because I have done night-eating 3 nights in a row now, that I can remember.
I know that this happens when I'm stressed, and I will probably also start taking a mild sedative before bed again (prescribed because of my difficulty sleeping due to anxiety).
In addition, I thought it would help me to write out the things that are stressing me out. So, bear with me.
1. I am stressed because my husband and I have started looking for our first home. We will be buying a real, single-family house with a yard and all the responsibility of home ownership. This is exciting, but it's also stressful. We've just gotten pre-approved for our mortgage and started talking with a buyers' agent, so this is starting to feel a lot more real lately.
2. Because of #1 (buying a house), I've been anxious about finances. Our plan is to fully pay off my credit card balance before we close on a house. We can get the mortgage regardless, but for our own comfort and my own peace of mind, I want the cc debt wiped out. This wouldn't be a problem at all...except...
3. Weddings. I am the maid of honor in one of my best friends' weddings. Actually, I am 1 of 2 maids of honor. This means that not only do I have the responsibility of coordinating the bachelorette party & bridal shower, but I have to spend a crapload of money on things. Being a bridesmaid is damn expensive! The bachelorette party is going to cost me approximately $800. Just for myself & my share of the bride's expenses! Then the shower is two weeks later. In addition to invitations, favors, food, etc, I've got to get her a nice shower gift, too. Then, two weeks after that...the wedding! My bridesmaid dress is $150. My shoes are $50. I think I am going to have to pay to get my hair done. We have to stay in a hotel for 2 nights, maybe 3. And we have to obviously get them a wedding gift too. I mean I am happy to do all of this stuff, it's just that the timing sucks. The wedding is going to cost me well over $1500 by the time all is said & done. And then my sister is getting married in April 2008, but she has decided to have a big engagement party in May. This means that I have to get her an engagement gift, the same month that I have to do all the stuff for my friend's wedding.
4. Travel ... I am a homebody & I like to use most of my weekends to catch up on cleaning, sleeping in, hanging out with my husband, and relaxing, and running errands, and then catching up with friends over dinner or going to the movies at night. We do travel some weekends, but I usually require at least a weekend at home in between traveling. Well, between May & June, I have *one* weekend that I will be at home. Every single other weekend I am traveling. And now my in-laws are complaining that we can't wait until the end of June to come visit them. So that means that we have to squeeze in another weekend trip there. Guh.
5. Work ... I have a lot to do, and yet (a) I can't help but feel like I suck at what I do, and (b) I can't stop procrastinating because I hate working on stuff I think I'm sucking at. I just want to be better at my job. A possible solution I came up with is to designate one day a week, or two half-days a week, to training myself, reading more about the industry, and looking at what other people in my field are producing.
6. Tiredness... if you read this blog a lot, you might have noticed that I'm perpetually tired. I have gone to the doctor multiple times for this. The best explanation they have is that it's depression. So I've been on anti-depressants for awhile. I mean, I *am* depressed, and the anti-depressants have very much helped my depression & anxiety. I dare say that Wellbutrin has made a huge difference in my outlook on life, removing a lot of my apathy. However, part of me wonders if my constant tiredness isn't physical at all. I wonder if it's just by habit that I let myself feel tired all the time. That I wallow in it, and look for excuses to whine. I don't know. I mean, I'm tired when I'm at work - I spend a lot of time wishing I could go home for a nap. But I wonder if I would feel the same way if I was out & about during the weekend, or on vacation. I guess I might be. But I think some of it is truly mental, and not due to depression. And I know some of it is because my trouble sleeping.
Well...that is most of what is stressing me out.
Oh wait...I forgot. (and this wasn't intentional...!)
7. I keep forgetting to do things. I did most of our taxes and totally forgot about finishign everything and e-filing it. I keep forgetting that I have to go through & pay a few bills by check. I keep forgetting to return our Netflix movies. I keep forgetting when my favorite shows are on (thank goodness for Tivo). I keep losing track of time and forgetting to go to bed. I keep forgetting about meetings.
So...I really just need to really relax, put things in perspective, and take some action on the things that I have some control over.
I know that this happens when I'm stressed, and I will probably also start taking a mild sedative before bed again (prescribed because of my difficulty sleeping due to anxiety).
In addition, I thought it would help me to write out the things that are stressing me out. So, bear with me.
1. I am stressed because my husband and I have started looking for our first home. We will be buying a real, single-family house with a yard and all the responsibility of home ownership. This is exciting, but it's also stressful. We've just gotten pre-approved for our mortgage and started talking with a buyers' agent, so this is starting to feel a lot more real lately.
2. Because of #1 (buying a house), I've been anxious about finances. Our plan is to fully pay off my credit card balance before we close on a house. We can get the mortgage regardless, but for our own comfort and my own peace of mind, I want the cc debt wiped out. This wouldn't be a problem at all...except...
3. Weddings. I am the maid of honor in one of my best friends' weddings. Actually, I am 1 of 2 maids of honor. This means that not only do I have the responsibility of coordinating the bachelorette party & bridal shower, but I have to spend a crapload of money on things. Being a bridesmaid is damn expensive! The bachelorette party is going to cost me approximately $800. Just for myself & my share of the bride's expenses! Then the shower is two weeks later. In addition to invitations, favors, food, etc, I've got to get her a nice shower gift, too. Then, two weeks after that...the wedding! My bridesmaid dress is $150. My shoes are $50. I think I am going to have to pay to get my hair done. We have to stay in a hotel for 2 nights, maybe 3. And we have to obviously get them a wedding gift too. I mean I am happy to do all of this stuff, it's just that the timing sucks. The wedding is going to cost me well over $1500 by the time all is said & done. And then my sister is getting married in April 2008, but she has decided to have a big engagement party in May. This means that I have to get her an engagement gift, the same month that I have to do all the stuff for my friend's wedding.
4. Travel ... I am a homebody & I like to use most of my weekends to catch up on cleaning, sleeping in, hanging out with my husband, and relaxing, and running errands, and then catching up with friends over dinner or going to the movies at night. We do travel some weekends, but I usually require at least a weekend at home in between traveling. Well, between May & June, I have *one* weekend that I will be at home. Every single other weekend I am traveling. And now my in-laws are complaining that we can't wait until the end of June to come visit them. So that means that we have to squeeze in another weekend trip there. Guh.
5. Work ... I have a lot to do, and yet (a) I can't help but feel like I suck at what I do, and (b) I can't stop procrastinating because I hate working on stuff I think I'm sucking at. I just want to be better at my job. A possible solution I came up with is to designate one day a week, or two half-days a week, to training myself, reading more about the industry, and looking at what other people in my field are producing.
6. Tiredness... if you read this blog a lot, you might have noticed that I'm perpetually tired. I have gone to the doctor multiple times for this. The best explanation they have is that it's depression. So I've been on anti-depressants for awhile. I mean, I *am* depressed, and the anti-depressants have very much helped my depression & anxiety. I dare say that Wellbutrin has made a huge difference in my outlook on life, removing a lot of my apathy. However, part of me wonders if my constant tiredness isn't physical at all. I wonder if it's just by habit that I let myself feel tired all the time. That I wallow in it, and look for excuses to whine. I don't know. I mean, I'm tired when I'm at work - I spend a lot of time wishing I could go home for a nap. But I wonder if I would feel the same way if I was out & about during the weekend, or on vacation. I guess I might be. But I think some of it is truly mental, and not due to depression. And I know some of it is because my trouble sleeping.
Well...that is most of what is stressing me out.
Oh wait...I forgot. (and this wasn't intentional...!)
7. I keep forgetting to do things. I did most of our taxes and totally forgot about finishign everything and e-filing it. I keep forgetting that I have to go through & pay a few bills by check. I keep forgetting to return our Netflix movies. I keep forgetting when my favorite shows are on (thank goodness for Tivo). I keep losing track of time and forgetting to go to bed. I keep forgetting about meetings.
So...I really just need to really relax, put things in perspective, and take some action on the things that I have some control over.
3 Comments:
Where are you? We miss you.
Wow, no wonder you're having trouble sleeping lately. If you can work out some kind of a financial plan that will help you pay off credit cards and still be able to get everything for the wedding taken care of, I'm sure that will ease your nerves a little bit.
As far as your snacking - I like to keep little sandwich bags filled with portion controlled veggies. I don't do the typical celery/carrots that most would. Mix it up with peppers, zucchinis, cucumber slices, etc. Maybe a home-made trail mix with lots of dried fruit would come in handy as well.
Good Luck on figuring everything out.
Feeling tired is a big deal. And a big drag. For me it's my body's reaction to being asked to do too much. My family is ALL ABOUT visiting and I don't really need that much distraction in my life. Sometimes I still feel guilty about being such a homebody but now I think, well, why? Maybe I could be proud that I don't have to run from my life. I love my home. I like my life at home. I don't like to spend the weekend running myself ragged. And that's not depression, that's just me. Maybe you are the same way? Depression makes you tired, too, but I found that even after I wasn't depressed my personality was still total homebody.
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