Really Down
I'm feeling really down. I don't know why. I have this soul-aching despair going on. I think once again I have no belief or faith in myself that I can lose weight. And even if I can lose some weight, I don't believe I can keep it off, or even lose nearly what I need to lose.
Where is this despair coming from? Why am I hurting right now? I can't even figure out what triggered it. I just feel so useless and like my whole life and all my efforts are pointless.
Maybe this isn't just a weight loss thing. I just wish I could make some progress on my weight loss once and for all. I'm not myself in this body. I'm something a lot more pathetic and weak than I should be. The past 4 or 5 years have really destroyed things in me and I don't know why that happened, or how or if I can get them back. Where's the fire, the hope, the strength, the optimism?
I'm sticking with my plan to go to my WW meeting first thing tomorrow morning. Whatever the scale says, I'll take. I just have to go, and face it. No more claiming to be a Weight Watcher without going to meetings. It's not fair to myself. Tomorrow starts a new WW week, a clean start.
I need to realize that this is a temporary mood. This is my depression speaking. And it's worse because of my period. It's always so much worse around my period. It will pass...I just need to hang on.
I need to cheer myself up. I will take a warm shower and get into my comfiest pajamas and get into bed and read a magazine for a little bit, and then get enough sleep. It will be ok. I'll be fine.
It really pisses me off that my existence is often just finding ways to bribe myself out of a really dark depression. There has to be more to life than this. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot.
Where is this despair coming from? Why am I hurting right now? I can't even figure out what triggered it. I just feel so useless and like my whole life and all my efforts are pointless.
Maybe this isn't just a weight loss thing. I just wish I could make some progress on my weight loss once and for all. I'm not myself in this body. I'm something a lot more pathetic and weak than I should be. The past 4 or 5 years have really destroyed things in me and I don't know why that happened, or how or if I can get them back. Where's the fire, the hope, the strength, the optimism?
I'm sticking with my plan to go to my WW meeting first thing tomorrow morning. Whatever the scale says, I'll take. I just have to go, and face it. No more claiming to be a Weight Watcher without going to meetings. It's not fair to myself. Tomorrow starts a new WW week, a clean start.
I need to realize that this is a temporary mood. This is my depression speaking. And it's worse because of my period. It's always so much worse around my period. It will pass...I just need to hang on.
I need to cheer myself up. I will take a warm shower and get into my comfiest pajamas and get into bed and read a magazine for a little bit, and then get enough sleep. It will be ok. I'll be fine.
It really pisses me off that my existence is often just finding ways to bribe myself out of a really dark depression. There has to be more to life than this. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot.
1 Comments:
I am soryy you are feeling down.
I am a little too and all I want to do is eat and eat and I am caving.
I don't like caving.
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