Ho ho ho...!
Yes, I am still here...I have just been preoccupied with the hectic holiday crap and also the fact that my apartment has no hot water due to the boiler biting the dust. Because I am a Virgo, this affects me even more than it might affect people with a more normal tolerance for feeling gross. We had been going to a friend's apartment to use his shower while ours was ice cold, but it was a 20-something bachelor's apartment and, well, my shower is cleaner. Plus he went away for the weekend, so my last *real* shower was Friday night...Sunday I tried my best to wash my hair in the sink and sponge bathe with the icy water, but I still feel kinda yucky. Is this TMI? If so, sorry.
It also affects my weight loss because I wasn't going to exercise without being able to shower afterwards. I mean, exercise is really important to be, but cleanliness is more important to me. Sorry, that's just how it is.
Anyway, supposedly this will be fixed by noon today. I am going home on my lunch break to try & take a shower (cross your fingers, toes, eyes, all of it). It's so inconvenient - I mean this affects not only bathing but also dishes & laundry, of which we have a huge backlog.
But yeah, I am trying to get back into the swing of living life like a normal person. Following WW, eating healthy, cooking, cleaning up after myself, enjoying life, etc. It's amazing how a week w/o hot water can totally disrupt that. I guess I am easily disrupted. I suppose that is something I should work on.
Oh, I don't think I mentioned my strange therapy experience from last week. It's kind of a long story, but basically I had an appointment with a new therapist who I really don't feel like I mesh with. At one point I mentioned my emotional eating, so she basically took it to mean that I needed some ideas for things I could do instead of eating. So she read to me from a list of 175 activities that I could do instead of eating. First of all, I get the point. I told her I had my own list. Second of all, that's not the point. I am never at a lack for things to do. I just either am too depressed to want to do them, or doing an activity does not yield the same physical results as eating.
Because let's face it, emotional eating does something to your body, like a drug. There's a high, a feeling of being soothed, like being tucked into a warm bed and being given a kiss on the forehead. Other things might be fun, but sinking into some forbidden foods and having the sugars course through your body is so far beyond an activity. It's a sedative. And she doesn't get that. Which is a problem.
That and she's a fucking idiot. But I am giving her one chance, where I explain why I didn't feel like the last session was helpful and try & verbalize what I do want to get out of therapy. But there is a huge part of me that wonders how helpful therapy will even be in the long run. I feel like a lot of my work can be done alone through writing and thinking and reading. I feel like some of my biggest breakthroughs have been while journalling or talking to friends. It seems like people put a lot of stock into therapy because they don't know what else to suggest, or they are just afraid for their friend/family member and want to put the responsibility onto a "professional".
Um, hmmm, what else is going on. I did rejoin meetings on Friday. Sweet Zombie Jesus is that joint busy on Friday mornings! I am afraid for how it will be once the New Year hits. I do think it will be a great routine though, a good way to kick off the weekend on a positive and healthy note.
In January I will most likely be joining the gym halfway between my office and home. I want to have more options for exercise. I feel like exercise is really key for me to get my health back in order, both mentally & physically. I want to feel strong again.
I'm also starting to see the joy in adopting girly girl habits. When we still had hot water, I was spending ridiculous amounts of time in the bathroom putting skin masques on my face, plucking my eyebrows into submission, and soaking in a deliciously scented bubble bath. I want to encourage this, because while I'm primping and preening I am not eating, and because it makes me feel good about myself. And who couldn't use a little self-esteem boost?
Some of it is alien to me, I never was that much of a girly girl. I think part of it was my mom dying when I was young - I missed having an adult female in my life in my early pre-teens which seems to be when most girls are learning to do their own hair and all of that crap. And I missed out on a lot of it in my teen years too, somehow. And in college I was a slob wearing pajamas and sweats like everyone else. But I want to feel like I look pretty. Is that wrong? It feels kind of wrong, and I guess it is a little vain, but it's still healthier to binge on beauty products than on pizza and chocolate.
It also affects my weight loss because I wasn't going to exercise without being able to shower afterwards. I mean, exercise is really important to be, but cleanliness is more important to me. Sorry, that's just how it is.
Anyway, supposedly this will be fixed by noon today. I am going home on my lunch break to try & take a shower (cross your fingers, toes, eyes, all of it). It's so inconvenient - I mean this affects not only bathing but also dishes & laundry, of which we have a huge backlog.
But yeah, I am trying to get back into the swing of living life like a normal person. Following WW, eating healthy, cooking, cleaning up after myself, enjoying life, etc. It's amazing how a week w/o hot water can totally disrupt that. I guess I am easily disrupted. I suppose that is something I should work on.
Oh, I don't think I mentioned my strange therapy experience from last week. It's kind of a long story, but basically I had an appointment with a new therapist who I really don't feel like I mesh with. At one point I mentioned my emotional eating, so she basically took it to mean that I needed some ideas for things I could do instead of eating. So she read to me from a list of 175 activities that I could do instead of eating. First of all, I get the point. I told her I had my own list. Second of all, that's not the point. I am never at a lack for things to do. I just either am too depressed to want to do them, or doing an activity does not yield the same physical results as eating.
Because let's face it, emotional eating does something to your body, like a drug. There's a high, a feeling of being soothed, like being tucked into a warm bed and being given a kiss on the forehead. Other things might be fun, but sinking into some forbidden foods and having the sugars course through your body is so far beyond an activity. It's a sedative. And she doesn't get that. Which is a problem.
That and she's a fucking idiot. But I am giving her one chance, where I explain why I didn't feel like the last session was helpful and try & verbalize what I do want to get out of therapy. But there is a huge part of me that wonders how helpful therapy will even be in the long run. I feel like a lot of my work can be done alone through writing and thinking and reading. I feel like some of my biggest breakthroughs have been while journalling or talking to friends. It seems like people put a lot of stock into therapy because they don't know what else to suggest, or they are just afraid for their friend/family member and want to put the responsibility onto a "professional".
Um, hmmm, what else is going on. I did rejoin meetings on Friday. Sweet Zombie Jesus is that joint busy on Friday mornings! I am afraid for how it will be once the New Year hits. I do think it will be a great routine though, a good way to kick off the weekend on a positive and healthy note.
In January I will most likely be joining the gym halfway between my office and home. I want to have more options for exercise. I feel like exercise is really key for me to get my health back in order, both mentally & physically. I want to feel strong again.
I'm also starting to see the joy in adopting girly girl habits. When we still had hot water, I was spending ridiculous amounts of time in the bathroom putting skin masques on my face, plucking my eyebrows into submission, and soaking in a deliciously scented bubble bath. I want to encourage this, because while I'm primping and preening I am not eating, and because it makes me feel good about myself. And who couldn't use a little self-esteem boost?
Some of it is alien to me, I never was that much of a girly girl. I think part of it was my mom dying when I was young - I missed having an adult female in my life in my early pre-teens which seems to be when most girls are learning to do their own hair and all of that crap. And I missed out on a lot of it in my teen years too, somehow. And in college I was a slob wearing pajamas and sweats like everyone else. But I want to feel like I look pretty. Is that wrong? It feels kind of wrong, and I guess it is a little vain, but it's still healthier to binge on beauty products than on pizza and chocolate.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home