Tomorrow is WI Day

Tomorrow is my WI day and I'm not exactly excited. I am pretty sure it's going to be a gain. Despite having a really good weekend and staying in check with support from my sister, I let being tired and busy be an excuse for me to blow off all plans of trying to eat moderately and healthfully. Plus after work I started playing a certain evil video game again. I need to stop that crap, I don't care what Dr. Oz says - playing video games for me is just a way of avoiding responsibility and escaping from the real world. When I'm hooked, I'm hooked, and I stay up too late, eat crap because I don't feel like cooking, and don't do things that help me reach my goals like exercise or read or relax or write.

I so badly want this year to be a better year, and for me to be a better me. The better me is in here somewhere...I just know it. But I feel trapped by bad habits and addictive behaviors.

Part of me is scared. I am scared to quit sugar, alcohol & caffeine. The sugar I have mostly come to grips with. The caffeine is scarier than the sugar, but I can see it. But I just have this vision of me enjoying cooking a healthy meal and sipping on a glass of red wine in the kitchen while unwinding. I know that is a stupid reason not to give up alcohol. I have trouble envisioning a world without margaritas and beer and tropical umbrella drinks on the beach.

But alcoholic beverages are full of sugar. They make me hungry and impair my judgement. And I am afraid of replacing my addiction to sugar with a more solid addiction to alcohol. I have alcoholics on both sides of my family. And I certainly have an addictive personality. I eat and spend compulsively. Why should I tempt fates by having a glass or two of wine several times a week?

Anyway, I am going to bed...just things I'm thinking about. I can't say I'm committed. I am too afraid of giving things up to commit yet. But I'm thinking about it, and I am going back to losing the sugar in my household NOW.