Hungry
I'm hungry. I know that I'm not really hungry, but my stomach is used to being overstuffed I guess. It's grumbling a little. I forgot that the first few days back OP are the hardest for me (well at least until the end of the second week, which is another challenge of its own). Adjusting to paying attention to portion sizes, and getting my body to remember what normal portions and meals are.
I need to stop thinking about food, and just go back to cleaning. I'll have some Activia yogurt & grapes in a little bit, but I want to eat that shortly before I cook dinner so that I don't pick while I'm cooking.
I feel weird. Like, jeez, how many times have I been where I am now? Starting over. Is this time really different? Do I really have faith in myself that I can do this? I just feel so demoralized from the past, and as much as I know how crucial it is to put it all behind me, I can't ignore it.
Just like I'm about to embark on another attempt at NaNoWriMo, the challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel between November 1 and 30. I've tried it every year since it started, and have never made it very far at all. But I'm doing it again this year. I have a plan in mind. And I feel like if I can finish NaNoWriMo, maybe that will be proof that I'm a changed woman. That I can follow through with things I start. That's something I've never been very good at. Starting is exciting and fun. Persevering is a pain in the ass, and all glamour is lost. Whether it's with a diet or a novel challenge, or whatever. I'm great at planning and I love that aspect of any sort of "project", but I suck at the follow through.
But weight loss isn't just a "project". It's my life. It has to become ingrained.
And writing...well, fuck. Am I ever going to follow through with my dreams? I talk the talk, but I don't walk the walk. I'd like to be a writer, not just a "technical writer" which is what my dayjob is.
Anyway, I'm hungry and the apartment is still a mess...so I'm going to go back to cleaning up and then have my snack, and then clean some more. Whee.
I need to stop thinking about food, and just go back to cleaning. I'll have some Activia yogurt & grapes in a little bit, but I want to eat that shortly before I cook dinner so that I don't pick while I'm cooking.
I feel weird. Like, jeez, how many times have I been where I am now? Starting over. Is this time really different? Do I really have faith in myself that I can do this? I just feel so demoralized from the past, and as much as I know how crucial it is to put it all behind me, I can't ignore it.
Just like I'm about to embark on another attempt at NaNoWriMo, the challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel between November 1 and 30. I've tried it every year since it started, and have never made it very far at all. But I'm doing it again this year. I have a plan in mind. And I feel like if I can finish NaNoWriMo, maybe that will be proof that I'm a changed woman. That I can follow through with things I start. That's something I've never been very good at. Starting is exciting and fun. Persevering is a pain in the ass, and all glamour is lost. Whether it's with a diet or a novel challenge, or whatever. I'm great at planning and I love that aspect of any sort of "project", but I suck at the follow through.
But weight loss isn't just a "project". It's my life. It has to become ingrained.
And writing...well, fuck. Am I ever going to follow through with my dreams? I talk the talk, but I don't walk the walk. I'd like to be a writer, not just a "technical writer" which is what my dayjob is.
Anyway, I'm hungry and the apartment is still a mess...so I'm going to go back to cleaning up and then have my snack, and then clean some more. Whee.
1 Comments:
At least you started over! I have been experiencing the pains of stomach shrinkage since last week when I joined Jenny and baby carrots and raw broccoli are my new best friends!
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