Pretty Good

So, as I said I would, I began tracking for Flex again yesterday. I wound up coming 1 point under my target! That is pretty unheard of for me...I'm not going to be too strict about getting all 30 in every day, because 30 points is pretty high, even if it is my target. 1 point under will make no difference. I'm sure I won't have the problem of not eating enough too often anyway, hahaha.

Last night I kept waking up with the urge to get up and eat. I had this problem with waking up in the middle of the night and bingeing for months, most likely triggered by anxiety. I am really proud of myself for resisting the urge though, just drinking some water and going back to bed.

What am I still anxious about though? Lots of things. When am I not anxious, really?

The apartment is such a pigsty, and I don't even know where to begin with getting things cleaned up. I mean, what I really need is to just set fire to everything and start fresh. Papers and boxes and wedding craft supplies and books and wedding gifts, ugh. And the laundry! Oh, the laundry, the neverending source of hell. If I had a washer & dryer of my own, it wouldn't be so bad, but whenever I have time to do some laundry, my neighbors have beat me to the 2 working machines. Fuckers.

But I just need to tackle it. Do some laundry, I have all day. Start cleaning. Even if I just get a couple rooms done, say, the bathroom & the kitchen, and the litterboxes, that will be a start. I should sign up for FlyLady again. Even though her e-mails are flowery & obnoxious, I do sort of need to have that electronic "Mommy" reminding me to wash the dishes and make the bed.

So, yeah, the apartment mess is making me anxious, but it's nothing I can't tackle.

Next up, money! K & I are combining our bank accounts, which will make life easier since usually we're always trading money back & forth to cover shared bills. But in the meantime, I have to figure out the best way to switch all of my electronic payments and my direct deposit paycheck at work. I need to make sure there's no lag, so that my electric bill is being taken from my old account, but my paycheck is going into my new account. And to do all of this, K & I really need to sit down and do a whole big combined budget list and that is just a pain in the ass. But we should make time to do that, say, this week.

Ok, I just e-mailed K @ work to ask him if we can have a "budget date" Thursday night to go over this stuff and put it to bed.

Another issue with finances & the like is my name. I changed it, but I don't have my marriage license back yet, so I can't officially change it, and therefore, a lot of my banking & bill stuff is still under my old name. Which just throws a monkey wrench into things.

Also, I sort of feel almost a little...wistful... about my new name. I know I wanted to change it, and I preserved my maiden name by making it my middle name ( a la Senator Clinton), but I guess I'm just not used to it yet. Someone called me Mrs. C on my honeymoon, and I was like "huh, who? oh, me!". It's just weird, and part of it I think is that now I feel like I'm not my parents' little girl anymore and waah waah waah I don't want to grow up. But at the same time, my new last name is sort of romantic and it's hard to spell and that's always fun for me.

Anyway, a rose by any other name is just as lovable.

I think that's what's so weird about being married. It's like the ultimate in expectations for you to act like a grown up. And I never really want to act like a grown up. But at the same time, I do have these expectations for myself to stop being such a slob once and for all, for K & I to get our finances in order, and to start planning for buying a house and whatnot. And not to mention the weight loss.