I'm ba-ack...!
I stopped posting because I had made a decision to stop obsessing about food & my weight for awhile to see how that would go. It didn't go very well and I've gained some more weight. I didn't even think I was eating all that bad! Ugh. I feel like crap about the whole thing.
I think I am finally starting to realize that I just can't eat freely. If I ever want to get to and stay at a healthy weight I will always have to watch what I eat. I will always have to balance a higher calorie/point meal with lower calorie/point meals and exercise. I will always have to plan ahead when I can and make the best choices when I can't. I will always have to use portion control. I am not like those of my friends who can dine with wild abandon. I can enjoy food, but it must be in moderation.
I also think I'm finally starting to put losing weight and getting healthy as a priority over immediate gratification and the warm, fuzzy, safe feeling I get from my emotional eating. I have to admit that I love to eat. It's so far beyond the taste and the fullness. I can feel the chemicals in a sweet dessert course through me, and it's a sense of warmth and joy and wellbeing. It's a little high. It's a little high that's legal, cheap, and easy to get. And it's got to stop.
These next few weeks are going to be difficult. I am getting married on the 14th, and then going to Aruba for a week. I want to be able to eat out in Aruba and not have to order "diet" meals, and I suppose I can do that - not because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity, but because I will balance these meals out with lighter other meals, lots of exercise, and small portions.
The most important thing right now is to put the brakes on gaining weight and shift gears into reverse. I can do this.
I think I am finally starting to realize that I just can't eat freely. If I ever want to get to and stay at a healthy weight I will always have to watch what I eat. I will always have to balance a higher calorie/point meal with lower calorie/point meals and exercise. I will always have to plan ahead when I can and make the best choices when I can't. I will always have to use portion control. I am not like those of my friends who can dine with wild abandon. I can enjoy food, but it must be in moderation.
I also think I'm finally starting to put losing weight and getting healthy as a priority over immediate gratification and the warm, fuzzy, safe feeling I get from my emotional eating. I have to admit that I love to eat. It's so far beyond the taste and the fullness. I can feel the chemicals in a sweet dessert course through me, and it's a sense of warmth and joy and wellbeing. It's a little high. It's a little high that's legal, cheap, and easy to get. And it's got to stop.
These next few weeks are going to be difficult. I am getting married on the 14th, and then going to Aruba for a week. I want to be able to eat out in Aruba and not have to order "diet" meals, and I suppose I can do that - not because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity, but because I will balance these meals out with lighter other meals, lots of exercise, and small portions.
The most important thing right now is to put the brakes on gaining weight and shift gears into reverse. I can do this.
Labels: introspection, journal, plan, update
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