It just hurts...

I just hurt so much. It's not even physical, I just hurt. I guess I am depressed. I know that my depression always takes an even bigger nosedive right before my period, and yet every time I have trouble identifying why suddenly I feel even more miserable than usual.

I hurt because I don't know a way out of this rut. I hurt because I've wasted so much time already. I hurt because my brain doesn't make the right chemicals for me to just be happy. I hurt because I won't get to see K for another 3 hours. I hurt because I don't know what I'm doing. I hurt because I'm afraid of what's to come in life. I hurt because I don't feel like I really have control over my own future.