Jen-ga!
I've had 2 good, OP days and I'm starting to feel high on WW, which I actually do not like. I tried to dig at some feelings to see what's going on inside, to work on some of the emotional stuff I've been working on, and it's not there right now. There isn't much there except for this hyperactive drive to count points and do well and stay OP. It's like a game. A game I know I'm going to eventually lose. It's kind of like Jenga...you know the tower is going to topple, but you just want to see how long you can push it.
This is not Jenga and I do not want to put myself in a position to topple! In a way, I almost have to give myself permission to make mistakes down the road and to acknowledge right now that going off program for one meal isn't going to topple my tower, it's just going to set me back one meal.
As is my mantra: it's not about perfection - it's about persistence.
Stop rushing, Shrinky. Stop pushing. Do what you have to do & have a frigging life! This is the only way I am going to really lose weight - if I can do WW and have a life at the same time. If I can go about this in a relaxed, non-psychotic, non-rabid way. It is so easy to become obsessive! And no, I don't think being totally obsessive is ok. I think it's good for health to be an important part of any person's life, but I think it's sick for it to be the only thing going on. And because I feel so empty so often...it's just so easy for something to take up all of my thoughts and energy. And that's not good.
What happened to NaNoWriMo? I stopped. I stopped after 3 days. But it's not too late to pick up where I left off and keep going. I just feel so empty now that I am back on the WW wagon...I mean I could change my novel to be about a crazy girl who dreams about Points and exercise DVDs and snack foods with low fat & high fiber...that's how screwed up I feel. This is why I took a hiatus. The hiatus where I gained 32 lbs.
I'd ask "Why Can't I Just Be Normal?!" but I can be normal. There has to be a middle ground between being OP & being a nutcase. All I have to do is figure out how to get there.
This is not Jenga and I do not want to put myself in a position to topple! In a way, I almost have to give myself permission to make mistakes down the road and to acknowledge right now that going off program for one meal isn't going to topple my tower, it's just going to set me back one meal.
As is my mantra: it's not about perfection - it's about persistence.
Stop rushing, Shrinky. Stop pushing. Do what you have to do & have a frigging life! This is the only way I am going to really lose weight - if I can do WW and have a life at the same time. If I can go about this in a relaxed, non-psychotic, non-rabid way. It is so easy to become obsessive! And no, I don't think being totally obsessive is ok. I think it's good for health to be an important part of any person's life, but I think it's sick for it to be the only thing going on. And because I feel so empty so often...it's just so easy for something to take up all of my thoughts and energy. And that's not good.
What happened to NaNoWriMo? I stopped. I stopped after 3 days. But it's not too late to pick up where I left off and keep going. I just feel so empty now that I am back on the WW wagon...I mean I could change my novel to be about a crazy girl who dreams about Points and exercise DVDs and snack foods with low fat & high fiber...that's how screwed up I feel. This is why I took a hiatus. The hiatus where I gained 32 lbs.
I'd ask "Why Can't I Just Be Normal?!" but I can be normal. There has to be a middle ground between being OP & being a nutcase. All I have to do is figure out how to get there.
1 Comments:
I so needed to read this tonight. Thanks, G.
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